ElectionsVote (I was rummaging through some files the other day and came upon this column I wrote a decade ago. It was about angry Muslims threatened people. What are the odds? Interestingly, I took a look at the F(more..)

ElectionsVote “People like pets to possess the same qualities they do. Cats are irresponsible and recognize no authority, yet are completely dependent on others for their material needs. Cats cannot be made t(more..)

ElectionsVote When I think of unique gifts for myself, they usually run into the realm of quantum physics and time travel. I was wondering what it would be like to meet myself at 17, to sit back and smile and have (more..)

ElectionsVote “Why were I not made of stone like thee?”— Charles Laughton, from “The Hunchback of Notre Dame.” (I can be a stubborn so-and-so. After spending more than a year starring(more..)

ElectionsVote “The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.”— Alfred Hitchcock It wasn’t that long ago the federal Food and Drug Administration gav(more..)

ElectionsVote “The only way to atone for being occasionally a little over-dressed is by being always, absolutely, over-educated.”— Oscar Wilde (CAPTION: Me, in a tuxedo, at one of my weddings. (more..)

ElectionsVote “Cowboys are special, with their own brand of misery...”— Willie Nelson This week is one of my high holy days of observation. It’s the 22nd Annual City of Santa Clarita’(more..)

ElectionsVote “I love the smell of napalm in the morning. It smells like — victory...”— Robert Duvall, from “Apocalypse Now” I never think about odors. I react to them, but neve(more..)

ElectionsVote “Eat ...  your damn ... parakeet.”— Bette Davis to Joan Crawford in the horror classic, “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane” Probably not too many recall Francois Mitte(more..)

ElectionsVote “Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in(more..)