ElectionsVote “Patriotism is the veneration of real estate above principles.”— George Jean Nathan  Do you know what the Santa Clarita Valley needs? Well. Besides fewer yuppies. SClarnopoly(more..)


ElectionsVote “America — a country that has leapt from barbarism to decadence without touching civilization.”— Ted Morgan Cripes. It’s our birthday. If I wanted a stern lecture about (more..)


ElectionsVote “I hate small towns because once you’ve seen the cannon in the park there’s nothing else to do.” — Lenny Bruce Every once in awhile, an out-of-towner will curl up his or(more..)


ElectionsVote (NOTE FROM AUTHOR: Been hyperbusy putting out the new multimedia website, foofmagazine.com. Check it out. It launched yesterday. In the meantime, here’s a column I penned a few years ago. If my (more..)


ElectionsVote “I would have made a good pope.”—Richard M. Nixon, who then, later, changed his name to John Boston AND… “Democracy is the art of running the circus from the monkey ca(more..)


ElectionsVote There used to be a single school in the valley. And now there are many. High schools. Junior highs. Elementary campuses. Colleges. Private. Public. They all have graduations. At all the graduations, t(more..)


ElectionsVote (I was rummaging through some files the other day and came upon this column I wrote a decade ago. It was about angry Muslims threatened people. What are the odds? Interestingly, I took a look at the F(more..)


ElectionsVote “People like pets to possess the same qualities they do. Cats are irresponsible and recognize no authority, yet are completely dependent on others for their material needs. Cats cannot be made t(more..)


ElectionsVote When I think of unique gifts for myself, they usually run into the realm of quantum physics and time travel. I was wondering what it would be like to meet myself at 17, to sit back and smile and have (more..)


ElectionsVote “Why were I not made of stone like thee?”— Charles Laughton, from “The Hunchback of Notre Dame.” (I can be a stubborn so-and-so. After spending more than a year starring(more..)