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Every year, Los Angeles County has become either the top place or close to the top in the record of hit-and -run driving in the United States of America.  This phenomenon has breached every possible social category in Los Angeles. The cars spotted doing the hitting and running range from models that are even decades old or even the newest lines of Mercedes.

Even millionaires who could easily afford higher premiums on their auto insurance have been arrested as hit-and-run drivers after fleeing the scenes of their cringing and dying victims on the those paradisiac streets of the Southland, paradoxically known for their peaceful line-ups of tall palms on the side.  Even Dennis Rodman – a locker-room friend of major world elbow players such as Donald Trump who starred him on “The Apprentice” and Kim Jong-un who shared his despot grandstand with him – yes, even Dennis Rodman has joined the ranks of our burgeoning hit and run drivers up on a Southern California freeway off  Santa Ana towards our entry into the year 2017.

I would have liked to have turned this article into an interview with former NBA Chicago Bull Rodman, like why do you like so many others choose California for your hit-and-run atrocities.  But unfortunately I came up short on that idea.  Instead, I will try to present a general outlook of all of our hit-and-run drivers in LA – so here is Mr. L.A. Hit and Run Himself speaking.

Mr. L.A. Hit-and-Run:

First of all, before you pass any judgment on my career hit-and-run driving in L.A. consider the fact that even though I have had three of these incidents only in the last ten years, I am still driving a car in Southern California and loving it. Because if I had not been such a Heisman Trophy style broken field driver careening away from my three biggie accidents, I might be in jail today instead of talking here to this fine Beacon audience.

Second of all, it is untrue that I go out of my driveway in the morning hoping I may hit someone with my car that day.  In fact, if anything, it is just the opposite with me.  I would just as soon not hit anyone with my car for the rest of my life.  In fact, hitting a person in my car still bugs me.

So I’m just the same as everyone else, right?

Fortunately, though, I have learned through playing countless video games in the Mortal Kombat mode that killing people may not be as bad as it looks.  After all, most of the people I have killed on Mortal Kombat only looked and moved like people.  So you can’t really tell who is really just a phantasmagoria underneath that human look, can you?  I even asked my mother (who is keeping me now if she is a phantasmagoria and she said, “Yes, I am.”

So I would have to say that while people may be happy to wring my neck for my hit-and-run driving, I am at least not as apathetic about the subject as is the state of California.

Let me give you an example.  A hit-and-run driver like me has almost always committed this crime more than once, and often more than twice.  That is because drivers like me have in common repetitive driving habits that lend themselves to repetitive hitting-and-running.  Oh you know very well what those repetitive driving habits are – mainly driving while under the influence of a drink or a drug or a distraction and racing above the speed limit.  I do these all things on a regular basis, by the way, because I am who I am and I don’t change for anyone’s sake.

I can hear what you are thinking – the state of California should send me to a place in prison where I can be out of the way of innocent people and then throw the key away.  Okay. I agree you may save a life or two on the road if you do take me off the road forever.

But in fact, if the state of California were really concerned about lives, they would do things that might have saved the lives of all those thousands of people who have been killed by all those lethal hit-and-run drivers on the road ever since I have been driving.

For example, the State of California should without exception take away the driver’s licenses of any drunk hit and run drivers who have killed and keep licenses away from them for the rest of their lives.

And the State of California should give killer drunk hit-and-run drivers a prison sentence that is actually not funny that would have them coming out of prison in their old age.

And the state of California should at least register the car license plates of any proven reckless driver on the road just as dangerous sexual offenders are registered.  And then surely most of us hit-and-run drivers coming out of history of reckless driving would be limited to the figures on our car license plates to a memorable five combination of numbers and letters.   How much easier is that than is a simple five-figure car license plate number that can be remembered and photographed at so many of all these fatal accidents. 

For example, a proven reckless driver likes me that have already been ticketed for DUI and speeding would be given a license plate that simply reads DRUNK. Or really a truly hard case should have a car license plate that just says “DUI.”

Because everyone at the scene of any road accident would remember that license plate.

Even if the car belonged to Dennis Rodman.

Chris Sharp- Commentary

Chris Sharp is an Educator and a prize-winning professional writer. He has recently published a new book titled How to Like a Human Being . His commentaries represent his own opinions and not necessarily the views of any organization he may be affiliated with or those of The SCV Beacon