“Ducking for apples – change one letter and it’s the story of my life.” – Dorothy Parker, at a Halloween party We’ve got a major state and national election breathing down our necks at stake is nothing short of the future of our society and culture. California is about to become bankrupt with America about 20 minutes behind. We’ve got some male model posing as president and Whoppi Goldberg, who is actually the Yeti, nearly ate Bill O’Reilly on national trailerpark TV. Yet, for some odd reason the past few weeks, I have been fixating on Halloween songs. (Photo Caption: My kid brother-like substance Hondo Boston painted this oil portrait of You Know Who. Obviously, Hondo is a Republican.)

There are lists of Halloween-themed tunes stretching into the ionosphere. They’re rather obvious because most of them include the word “Halloween” in the title.

I was searching for a definitive list that is more eclectic while still meeting the underlying theme of All Soul’s Night. Plus, inherent in such a compilation is both humor and a backbeat that makes you want to take off your clothes (or costume) and dance like a Druid.

Druids, by the way, know all five kinds of dances: slow, medium, fast, heinous and goofy.

Happy Halloween, amigos and amigo-ettes. Eat sugar and be merry for here is…

John Boston’s

All-Time Great Halloween Music List:

• “Burning Down the House” — Talking Heads

• “Lola” — the Kinks

• “Monster Mash” — Bobby Boris Whatzizname

• “Killing Me Softly” — Roberta Flack

• “Dog Eat Dog” — Adam Ant

• “I Want To Look Like Arnold” — the Arrogant Worms

• “Dude” (You Look Like A Lady) — Aerosmith

• “Funeral March of the Marionettes” — Charles Gounod (1818-1893) You’ll remember this as the theme to the old Alfred Hitchcock TV show. Well, when I say, “you,” I mean the truly cool people who don’t text and remember stuff like Alfred Hitchcock

• “Welcome to the Jungle” — Guns N’ Roses

• “Better Run Through The Jungle” & “Bad Moon Rising” — Creedence Clearwater Revival

• “I’ll Kill You If You Don’t Come Back” — Meat Loaf

• “White Punks On Dope” — The Tubes

• “Theme to the Addams Family” — TV show,

• “Sympathy for the Devil” & “Paint it Black” — The Rolling Stones

• “Dead Man’s Party” — Oingo Boingo (a tad obvious, but necessary)

• “Ride of the Valkyries” — Wagner

• “Cat People” (aka, “Putting Out the Fire” — David Bowie

• “Who’s That Creepin’?” — Big Bad Voodoo Daddy

• “Iron Man” — Black Sabbath

• “Purple People Eater” — Sheb Wolly

• “Werewolves of London” — Warren Zevon

• “Party at the Leper Colony” — Weird Al Yankovic

• “Thriller” — Michael Jackson

• “Devil With the Blue Dress” — Mitch Rider & the Detroit Wheels

• “Walking After Midnight” — Patsy Cline

• “People Are Strange” — the Doors

• “Concerto for Orchestra” Bela Bartok (This is one of the most haunting pieces ever put to paper. Bela wrote it after discovering he only had a few months to live.)

• “Toccata and Fugue in D Minor” — Bach (It’s the ditty Bela Lugosi plays on the organ in the original “Dracula.”

• “Witchy Woman” — The Eagles

• “Soul Sacrifice” — Santana

• “I Love You… I’ll Kill You…” — Enigma

• “Who Are You?” — The Who

• “Sound of Silence” — Simon & Garfunkle

• “Mack the Knife” — Bobby Darin

• “Colossal Head” — Los Lobos

• “Fresh Garbage” — Spirit

• “Friend of the Devil— Grateful Dead

• “I Don’t Live Today” — Jimi Hendrix

• “I’m The Wolf” — Howlin’ Wolf

• “Born to be Wild” — Steppenwolf

• “Time” — Pink Floyd (This song is about how quickly time passes, which is very scary)

• “Time Has Come Today” — the Chambers Brothers (see above parenthetical reference to time above)

• “Superstitious” — Little Stevie Wonder

• “Bad Moon Rising” — Creedence Clearwater Revival (cripes I love this song; it’s the story of my life.)

• “Werewolves of London” — Warren Zevon

• “Tubular Bells” — Yes. Tubular Bells. It’s the opening theme to film, “The Exorcist.”

• “Running Scared” — Roy Orbison

• “Sympathy for the Devil” — Rolling Stones

• “Put a Spell on You” — Screamin’ Jay Hawkins

• “I’m Your Boogeyman” — White Zombie (with vocals by Rob Zombie)

• “(It’s A) Monsters’ Holiday” — Frank Zappa

• “Goblin Girl” — Louis Armstrong

• “Casper The Friendly Ghost” — The Peter Pan Players

• “Eyes Without a Face” — Billy Idol

• “Candy” — Iggy Pop

• “Black Magic Woman” — Carlos Santana

• “Bo Meets the Monster” — Bo Diddley, circa 1950

• “Hey There Little Red Riding Hood” — Sam the Sham & the Pharoahs

• “Ah-Bee-Yo-Yo” — Peter Guthrie

• “White Rabbit” — Jefferson Airplane

• “Witchcraft” — Frank Sinatra

• “Purple People Eater” — by, of all people, cowboy actor and stuntman, Sheb Wolley

• “My Son, The Vampire” — Allan Sherman

• “Thriller” — Michael Jackson

• “Devil Went Down to Georgia” — Charlie Daniels Band

• “Hall of the Mountain King” — Electric Light Orchestra

• “Piece of my Heart” & “Ball and Chain” — Janis Joplin

If you have any nominations, let us know. Eat candy. Eat candy often.

John Boston is the preeminent local writer and humorist who has won 119 national writing awards. He is a wonderful human being and it is a privilege to call him a friend. John will continue to live in the Santa Clarita Valley and write about anything and everything. His commentaries represent his own opinions and not necessarily the views of any organization he may be affiliated with or those of the West Ranch Beacon.