“I imagine when it comes to the next prayer book they won’t write ‘He,’ meaning Him with a capital ‘H.’ God will be written in the lower case to banish any lurking sense of inferiority His worshippers might feel.”— Alan Bennett 

One of the wonderful aspects of the Santa Clarita is our community spirit. At no time is that more prevalent than during the holidays. We are a large-hearted and benevolent community, sensitive to the needs and beliefs of others. This valley embraces many social and cultural viewpoints. Nowhere is this more evident than at the Rufus T. Needy Children’s Academy in Canyon Country.

All of us are guilty of narrow thinking and the habit of thinking our view is the only one.

The valley’s newest campus will celebrate, in the passion of truly one-size-fits all Obama-mandated fashion, the holidays. The private school predominantly caters to children, grades K-12, whose parents follow a less mainstream viewpoint of Christmas.

As a public service, I’ve printed their holiday pageant program below. The charming and unique event is just around the corner, on Dec. 21, and will run from midnight to sunrise.

This year, as one of his last official acts, Mayordude Frank Ferry has kindly donated the use of Central Park in Saugus for the pageant. Again, it begins a minute after midnight on the winter solstice.

Here’s the schedule: 

The Rufus T. Needy Academy for

Counter Culture Children K-12

in Canyon Country invites you —

in non-invasive fashion — to their

1st Annual SCV Liberal

Winter Solstice Observation 

— Schedule of Events —

• Beginning 12:01 a.m., December 21 • 

—12:01 a.m. — Welcoming of the Solstice by the 12th-grade girls Nude Woodlands Nymph Dance Squad, in their interpretation of “The Hall of the Mountain King,” led by SCV Democratic Club Representative Kristin-Ingram-Worthman.

— 12:30 a.m. — hot non-sweetened cocoa and small-portioned rice cookies for the kids and mead and goat cheese for the adults. Photo op with the 12th grade girls and Jonathan Kraut cardboard cut-out available.

— 12:45 a.m. — Ms. Abdullah’s 2nd Grade Class’ presentation of David Mamet’s “Glengarry, Glen Ross” in the north end of the parking lot. (Cameo performance of state assemblyman Allan Cameron-Diaz-Smyth in Alec Baldwin’s role of Blake, the aggressive real estate closer.)

— 2:45 a.m. — Councilwoman Marsha McLean will sing, a cappella, the popular Led Zeppelin offering of “Whole Lotta Love” and the Guns ’n’ Roses hit, “Welcome to the Jungle,” followed by the traditional pelvic thrust at the end and a robust, “Hhhhhhnnnnnnn!!!”

— 3 a.m. — Mrs. Ubweebwee’s 4th Grade Class Salute to Diversity by recreating an Aztec human sacrifice with Santa as the victim. (PROGRAM NOTE: SCV Dems prez Mike Cruz was a last-minute cancellation as Santa. As of press time, six scrawny homeless people will be well fed, then substituted for Mike.)

o 3:30 a.m. — Live Nude Zonta, which is actually a coven, will offer a performance art living sculpture entitled Mother Earth/Childbirth/O The Endangered Stickleback. Secret Zontan president Lynne Plambeck will briefly riverdance.

— 3:55 a.m. — Pagan Cake.

— 4 a.m. — Brief speech and appearance by grinning-out-of-context Congressman Buck McKeon, who believes he is at the Rotary Pancake Breakfast.

— 4:15 a.m. — Remember that lost St. Bernard puppy that turned up missing in Placerita Canyon? Via torch light, Councilwoman Laurene Weste will feed the creature to her enlarged Spiny Stickleback to appease the Druid gods of Ur, Krull, Owen, Patterson & Owen (255-5200 for all your SCV legal needs).

— 5 a.m. — Festival of Bloodletting and Howling Toward the East, followed by brief revisiting of Home Tour Gala on Harley Davidsons and the Solstice Dropping Off of Human Heads by local Hell’s Angel prez, Realtor and Democratic activist, Bill Bailey.

— Sunrise — Dr. Needy leads school chorus in popular holiday Rolling Stones song, “Sympathy for the Devil.” Afterward, caravan to Saugus Cafe for coffee, omelets, chocolate malts and lots of Tabasco to wash away the bad tastes. 

I’d like to point out that Councilman and Realtor Bob Kellar is donating a free appraisal not so much of your property, but you, personally, to the first 50 people who show up.

Hope to see you and their family out there.

Merry Christmas!

Whoops. Sorry. Forgot we can no longer say that under the current administration. My holiday bad… 

 John Boston- Commentary

John Boston, aka Mr. Santa Clarita Valley, was recently named Best Humor Writer in North America to go along with 117 other major writing awards. His webpage, thebostonreport.net, is undergoing a brand new hepcat national look and will be unveiled soon. Tune into his weekly radio show, “The Former Friends of John Boston” on KHTS AM 1220 every Monday at 2 p.m. It’s also available on podcast and taped telecast on Channel 20, SCVTV.